My 5

I don't remember exactly what we're supposed to write about tonight, but I know what my motivations are for doing what I am doing.....for putting myself through the grueling 5AM sessions....for giving up precious time with my fiance and children.....for weighing myself every week in front of people and posting my weight on the internet for all to see:

I'm going to cry before I'm done writing this, but I have been so inspired by other people on our team, and hearing some of their stories, and like Lori said tonight.....forgiving myself.

1.  I DESERVE THIS!!!!  I have been the fat funny guy for so long that I thought that was my "role". I have always been insecure so I put a lot of "padding" around me to protect myself. To protect myself from being hurt, from being ridiculed for who I am. It was easier to be picked on for being big than be picked on for being shy, or dorky, or a preacher's kid, or whatever else I thought was wrong with me. I ended up excluding myself from a lot of activities and events that I could have been involved with if I had been thinner and more "able" to do things physically.  NO MORE!!!! I am going to do things that I have always wanted to do. I am going to finish a mini triathlon, I am going to weigh less than 250 pounds for the first time since tenth grade, I am going to live a long, happy, and HEALTHY LIFE, because I DESERVE IT!!!
2. My children. I have 2 children and one soon to be step son. My children are heavy like I was as a kid. That is my fault. They followed my lead. But I am forgiving myself for that and I am going to be a better role model and example for them. We are going to eat better as a family. We are going to do fun activities(key word being ACTIVE) as a family.
3. My AMAZING fiance. I would not be doing what I am doing today if it weren't for Sasha. She is my cheer leader. She is my partner. She is my hero. She cooks for me, helps me eat better, cheers me on, she eats what I eat, she doesn't tempt me by eating things I can't, AND SHE GETS UP AND DOES WALK AWAY THE POUNDS while I am at the gym with all of you. She ROCKS!!!!
4. Spiritually. I am a Christian. I am not better than anyone. I am a sinner saved by grace. I have fallen on my face, messed up, done some BAD things, but I crawl back to God every time and He accepts me. As someone who confesses to trust God, I need to do what the Bible says. I need to treat my body the RIGHT way. It is a sin to let myself go back to the way I used to live....eating CRAP, not exercising, not taking care of myself. I didn't say any of that to offend any of you. I said it so I could here myself say it. It is what I need.
5. The other thing that keeps me going is knowing that I will be able to do a lot of things that I haven't done in a LONG time. I want to ride roller coasters again. I want to buy clothes at WHATEVER store I want. I want to be able to play with my kids and not get tired. I want to be able to play basketball or whatever sport I want to and not get tired after 5 minutes. I love my new life!!!!  I am going to love it even more through being in this competition, and continuing to do what we have been doing LONG after this competition is done. I love each and every one of you on Red Dawn, and I KNOW that one of us is going to be the big winner.